Helpless
by Chibi Tidus
Summary: After the events of FFX, Lulu goes to think about her life, friends, and what she wants next


Helpless  
  
The snow was so soft, so comforting, so cold. Lulu sat in it, staring off into space. There was nothing she could do to stop this pain in her heart, this eternal angst that she knew if nothing was done would eventually consume her very being. But how was she supposed to get over something this big, this horrible, this heartbreaking, by herself? Everyone else was comforting Yuna about her pain, and no one took notice when she slipped out from the room and went her own way. She lost two people that she cared about, as well as the others, but she had already lost so many people, so many past loves. Spira was cursed for her, and she knew that she would never find a warmth in her frozen heart for another love. Her heart, as frozen as the snow she sat on. So soft, this snow, so comforting. She had to get over everything, she had to move on, but she couldn't. She had seen the way Wakka had looked at her, how he had undressed her with his eyes on so many occasions, but she couldn't go to him. Not after Jappu. She still awoke in the dead of night crying and calling his name. It just wouldn't be right to go after his brother, no matter what everyone else said. Moving on or not, it didn't matter to her. Just staying here, in this snow, so soft, she would be okay. Let them cater to Yuna's every need, because she was emotional. Just because she didn't vocalize her emotions often didn't mean that these losses hurt Lulu as much, if not more so, than Yuna. Yes, Yuna had loved Tidus. And Tidus had loved Yuna in return. Lulu had feelings for Auron, deeper than just great respect for him and gratitude for how many times he had saved them with his swordsmanship or his knowledge. No one realized this though, they were all telling Yuna and Tidus how perfect they were for each other. Nobody cared about Lulu's pain, except for Wakka. Still, he ran to Yuna before even considering checking on his apparent "crush". Lulu was nothing to them, just a person to help out in case they needed some elemental magic. The snow felt so good against her bare fingers. Why did her life have to be like this? Why did she have to lose everyone she loved? Damn Sin! Her hand was elbow deep in the snow before she realized she had punched it. It was all Sin's fault. Everything that had been stolen from her, Sin had been the one to take it. There were no round-a-bouts with Sin, he had taken everything. The snow had melted as she had been sitting on it, and her dress was soaked through. The cool wetness made her shiver, but she didn't care. The sky opened up then and started to snow some more. She gazed at the falling flakes and started to cry. The tears slowed on her face: it was so cold already, they were nearly frozen by the time they fell into her lap. How could she go on if she wasn't wanted? She could go back to how she was, being second place behind Yuna, where she would at least have someone to talk to if she really needed it. No, on second thought she could never go back. She wouldn't allow herself to be killed more and more each day because no one sees her pain. Maybe she should just end her life here and now. It would make everything so much easier -for everyone. None of her "friends" would have to pretend to worry about her again. Just as she started pulling forth a spell, a hand clasped on her shoulder. The snow was so soft, so comforting. Turning her head up, she saw Wakka standing there, searching her eyes for something she could not quite place. "What are you doing here, Wakka?" "I was worried about where you went. After the ceremony." "The ceremony was three weeks ago." "And I have been tracking you ever since." Stunned, Lulu thought that she had made herself invisible. For him to have tracked her down to here. "Lulu, why did you leave?" She couldn't respond. Tears still rolling slowly down her face, she put the spell away and stared down at her hands, clasped in her lap. The snow started falling heavier, and it made it difficult for Wakka to even see Lulu from where he was standing. Lulu stood, and walked a couple paces away, so that she could only see Wakka's outline against the snow. "Lulu! Don't leave again!" "Why not?" she choked out. "Because I will have to find you again." "Just give up. I have my reasons for doing what I do. Don't you respect them -me- at all?" "I don't want you to leave. Lulu.I love you." She was dumbfounded. All this time she had just thought he had a silly little crush. There was no way a person such as Wakka was capable of something as complex as love, was there? "Lulu, let's get inside. It's getting bad out here." "But the snow, so comforting, so soft," she whispered. "What did you say?" Speaking up, she replied, "No. I can't go with you. Love or no love, I don't think I am able to love again. I've lost everyone I loved, and I don't think you want to die just yet." "If I die then I will be with Jappu." "You're right. If I die I will be with Jappu." Wakka ran to her. "No! I will not let you do that! Let's get inside, and talk. We need to talk. Everyone lost so much, we can share." "You don't understand. Yuna wasn't.never mind." "What?" "It's nothing. If you want me to go with you, fine. I have no more strength to do anything." "Don't say that." Wakka tilted her face up to his with one of his hands. With the other he wrapped around her and started taking her to the nearest hut. Not much protection, but there was a fireplace with wood and a couple matches. He saw it on the way here, and it should be sufficient to hold them through the storm. He had to drag her through the snow to get her there. It was as if she had stopped caring about everything, and had no will to get to shelter. Poor girl. Even though she was a few years his elder, at this moment she seemed so vulnerable and defenseless that he needed to care for her and watch over her, as she had done to him all these years. Kicking open the door, letting snow fall into the small hut, he placed her on the small bed in the corner next to the fireplace and went to the table to grab the matches. Closing the door on the way back, he lit the wood in the fireplace and pulled the blankets up over Lulu. She seemed to have either fainted or just fell asleep, but the steady rise and fall of her chest ensured Wakka that she was still alive. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and placed a hand on her forehead. She seemed hot with fever, which wasn't surprising considering how long she had been alone in this cold to dwell on her emotions with no one to talk to, to vent with. For a long while, the wind screaming past the hut, he sat and only stared at her, hoping she would soon wake so he could talk to her, so that he could live again. Ever since she vanished he could not party with the rest of Spira, he could not sleep at night. When he did sleep his thoughts were plagued by nightmares of where she was, what had happened to her, why she had left. They had been through so much together. Jappu, Sin, Seymore, Tidus. They have been through one and a half pilgrimages. They had saved the world together, and then she had left. Yuna had gotten sick with worry, and had not moved from her bed for a week before Wakka could think of where to start looking for Lulu. It was all too much for everyone. Lulu stirred on the bed. She raised up on one shoulder, and Wakka slowly eased her back down, whispering soothing words to her. The fire had grown low so he put a couple more logs on it. Now there was only two more left, and the storm still didn't seem much like relenting. "Auron." Lulu moaned. What had she just said? "Auron is not here, he's dead. I'm sorry, we all miss him." His words seemed to wake her up fully. "You have no idea what you are talking about!" "What?!" he cried, alarmed. "You have no idea what you are talking about! Don't even talk about Auron to me! There is no way you could possibly understand!" Scared, Wakka asked, "What're you talking about?" Breaking down in tears, she started babbling incoherently. Wakka jumped off his chair and sat down next to her. Gripping her shoulders firmly, he physically forced her to calm down. Flash Auron's hands slid her dress off her arms. He slowly helped her out of it, using a gentleness not many could picture him using. He moved in, kissing her lightly on her mouth, then his lips traveled to her throat, kissing her gently, making her moan softly. She grasped his coat, quick undid the front, and pulled it off of him. He pulled off his pants while kicking off his shoes, and they crashed down on the bed together. Lulu was in a state of extreme happiness, she had never felt this good before, not since Jappu, but that happened a long time ago, and she had to move on. His hands moved slowly up and down her body, sending ripples down her spine. She kissed his chest, breathing him in, and started working her hands around his neck. He moaned with great pleasure. They pulled the covers up over them and settled into the bed for a night of splendid bliss. Flash Wakka pulled away from her. She looked up at him, a strange expression in her eyes. "How did you do that?" she asked, "How did you see me?" Frightened at what he had seen, Wakka backed away. "Now you understand, don't you?" Tears sprang to Wakka's eyes. There was no way that this could have happened. He simply refused to believe the images he had just witnessed. "Wakka, I loved him." Fever overtook her and she had no choice but to lay back down and let sleep whisk her away.  
  
When she awoke, her fever had broke. Drenched in sweat, she looked around the hut and saw that the fire was out and a strange coldness had settled over the room. Wakka was gone. The storm had passed. Rising from the bed, body shaking uncontrollably form the wet clothes she was wearing, she went to the door and looked out. Wakka was nowhere to be seen in any direction. She walked out into the cold, snowy plains. She walked for about a mile or two and sat down again. The snow was so soft, so comforting. 


End file.
